The Bachelor Hometown Dates Were Excruciatingly Dull as Ali Decides to Leave

It's not that any of us thought Jake Pavelka would be anything but boring as hell to watch as the single dude in The Bachelor but, fortunately for ABC, the mental instability of some of the girls has kept this season entertaining.  Last night, the show hit the skids, and it was like watching a lame horse just begging to be shot.  While some of the girls decided to fly their freak flags proudly, it just couldn't carry the show.  I wanted it to end and, unmercifully, the end was the longest part of the show...but I'll get to that later.

Gia was the first to get a hometown date and, with the exception of her step-brother, who looked like a cross between a Jersey Shore guido and Seth Green.  He told Jake that he's not afraid to break a few legs (How many legs doesn't he think this guy has?) if he has to.  The dude was 90 pounds soaking wet, so I don't think he's breaking anything, but at least it made me giggle.  The rest of the date was painfully boring - I was hoping for something from Gia's mom, as New Yorkers tend to have a lot of chutzpah but, alas, she was just...normal.

Ali met up with Jake in her hometown of Williamstown, MA, and apparently the "lift and hug" has become the universal Bachelor hometown date greeting.  Ali seemed like a frontrunner, as Jake became all googly as soon as he saw her.  I hope this isn't offensive, but sometimes the word "gay" just needs to be brought back, and Jake single-handedly did it last night as he shook a tree so Ali could make a wish on a leaf.  Gay.  Gay.  Gay.  Ali then took Jake to her recently deceased grandmother's house which was a little creepy, but you couldn't help but be moved as she described their close relationship.  Again, the actual family date was so boring, as the family was just way too normal.  Where are the eccentric uncle or senile grandparent when you need them?  Jeesh.  Ali ended the date by telling Jake she wants to be there in the end, and Jake made a show of taking his gloves off to kiss her.  See former "gay" remark.

Next stop was Newberg, Oregon for a visit to see Tenley, and the most exciting part of this date was the scenery.  The only thing one could have done to spice up this baby would have been a drinking game, and shots would be downed every time anyone said "ex," "ex husband," or "divorce."  Now, I'm pregnant, so I couldn't do it, but you would have been schnockered.  Tenley's baby voice was getting on my nerves as she took Jake to a dance studio and did a little personally choreographed number for him.  Jump...and...shark.  This is where things started getting painful, but it only got worse as each member of her family discussed her heartbreak in detail.  Jake said that he may "beg for Tenley's hand," so he asked for a blessing, and he got one from Tenley's father with the caveat of how much responsibility that bears.  After the date ended, I decided Tenley is more Ninely, at best.

Vienna's date involved all the arrogance and creepiness one might expect, and yet I was still bored to tears.  The most interesting thing about the family part was how icky close V and her father are (It reminded me of that one episode of Friends when Monica's boyfriend was eerily close with his sister).  I half expected them to swap spit at any moment.  Vienna took Jake out on the river, as she prepared him for how hard it was going to be for him to meet her dad/boyfriend.  Dad, Vincent, told Jake that he has always treated her like a princess, and he expects the same from him.  The piece de resistance about this little nugget of advice was what he said Jake would get in return - a clean house and kids that are raised right.  Priceless!  Jake told Vincent "I'm falling hard" with about as much enthusiasm as I muster when heading to the gym.  Vienna and Jake made out in her room and, of course, Dad/Boyfriend had to get in on the action.  Fatal Incestuous Attraction.

Then it was back to Beverly Hills for the rose ceremony, and this is where the show made its final descent into Hell (That aviation pun's for you, Jake).  Ali showed up at his room in tears, saying she had to decide between being with him and her job, and she was looking for some instruction from him.  Jake had to be p.c. of course, and she had a break-down in the hallway, after telling him she'd let him know her final decision later.  The girls showed up glowing from their hometown dates, except for Ali, who looked like she'd eaten some bad sushi.  She asked Chris Harrison if she could talk to him, and was then allowed to chat with Jake about her tough decision.  She fell from being considered the most normal of the bunch into a puddle of indecision (literally), and even though Jake told her how much she means to him and that he wanted her to stay, she ultimately left.  WTF!?  In the end, there was no rose ceremony due to her departure, and the other girls seemed none too distraught about the decision.  Next week, they are off to St. Lucia, as Jake pretends to be into the ladies (and one dude) that remain.