Fifty Shades of Grey is now a musical? No, please. Say it isn't so. Too late. It's already here. And it's hysterical. Yes, with the truly astonishing panoply of fan-made videos appearing almost daily online, sooner or later someone was bound to make a musical parody of E. L. James' astonishingly popular "mommie porn" novel. For better or worse, that time is now. And surprisingly, it's mostly for the better. Unlike many other fan made videos that feature A-list stars like Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, Matt Blomer and Alexis Bledel, Ian Somerhalder, and Zac Efron, the stars of the new musical parody are anonymous actors/singers. Nevertheless, the new trailer is so "kitschie, kooky & ...korny," that one fan site is offering a $100 reward to anyone who can come up with something better.
The new 50 Shades of Grey musical parody is appropriately and suggestively titled Christian Penetrates the Suburbs. It opens with a housewife returning to her suburban home while chatting on the phone to her BFF about the new book she's reading. From her description, it sounds a lot like E.L. James's famous tome. Then, as she emerges from her car, she sees him. There in her driveway stands Christian Grey. And he's even brought a slave contract already typed and ready for her signature.
"I'll call you later," she gasps to her girlfriend.
And the rest is an incredibly funny, definitely kitschy ride through the horny, frustrated housewife's wildest fantasies.
"Baby, won't you be my suburbanite Ana?" croons Mr. Grey. "I'll take you to an erotic Nirvana/Fill all your needs Baby, all the time/Just sign right here on the dotted line."
And that's exactly what happens. Christian not only takes care of his "suburbanite Ana" erotically, he picks up her kids from school and "pays a guy without a green card to clean her pool." And the housewife takes to Mr. Grey's inimitable brand of erotic power and control like a natural.
"Oh, Christian, I've been naughty," she sings ecstatically, "Spank me in my brand new Audi/...Dominate me with that body/...Hold your ears 'cause I cum laude."
You can watch the Fifty Shades of Grey musical trailer on the video below. Think you could do better?
Â© Hope Carson 2012
Hope Carson is the author of 2 books: A Roaring Girl: An Interview with the Thinking Man's Hooker and A Thousand and One Night Stands: The Life of Jon Vincent. You can follow her on Twitter.